Tuesday, October 3, 2006

Dear VW


Dear Volkswagon,

Congratulations on your latest successful advertising campaign. No, not the one with the strange German guy dressed in a white labcoat -- I definitely don’t get that one. I’m talking about the TV commercials where people are just driving along, minding their own business, yapping about a movie or a ski trip, when suddenly, another car comes speeding through the intersection and blindsides the car….not only causing irreparable damage to the vehicle, but also completely ruining their inane conversation.

That’s good advertising and all, I mean, well done on the concept. What I don’t like is the feeling of utter horror that comes over me every time I watch one. It’s too realistic, man! Do I have to re-live my accident four times during Desperate Housewives?

Every time I see the crash and the passengers are jerked all around and slammed into airbags and bashed against windows… I’m thinking, OUCH. Every single time I feel like a gold sedan just hit me on the left, and a shiny black SUV just crushed me on the right -- again. Even the sound is authentic… that screeching, squealing, smashing, scrunching, exploding sound is one I’ll surely never forget – especially when I hear it at every commercial break.

VW, it would be super if you didn’t remind me of the time I whacked my head so hard on the window that I lost my marbles for three weeks. And then in the commercial where the ladies are crying and looking all shell-shocked – that was me! They get out of the car and they’re like holy crap and I’m thinking, yes, yes, HOLY CRAP. Except those actress gals weren’t shaking as hard as me, snooty Midtown Atlanta hipsters weren’t being jerkfaces to them and police weren’t saying “You know this is your fault, right?” to them. Also, none of those ladies in the commercials post-accident were seen twirling around in circles on the sidewalk holding their prized football… from experience, I know things like that can happen. Try to share some of the after-effects next time.

Thanks, VW, for making me want to vom every time I see your advertising. I don't get a warm fuzzy feeling when I think about your cars... and I don't want to buy one as a result of this campaign. Then again, I moved to NYC and don’t intend to do any driving for a while. It’s best for everyone.

Warmest regards,
Big Apple Angie

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