Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Never Date Colleagues

Dear NASA,

I’m writing on behalf of society to inquire about the requirements for getting into the space program. I wasn’t aware certifiably insane people were allowed to participate. I only bring this up because I’ve just learned of a scandalous moonwalker love triangle that nearly lead to one astronaut’s kidnapping and death.

One of NASA’s top lady astronauts drove across the country wearing a trench coat, a wig and diapers (to prevent stops at I-10 rest areas - cringe with me now) with the intent of murdering another female astronaut who happened to be dating her lover, another astronaut.


I know background checks may seem costly, but they can’t cost any more than space rockets. I suggest mental testing on the astronauts to make sure they aren’t homicidal freaks. I’m not trying to tell you how to run the space program, but I would like to point out that I had tons of mental testing during my Apprentice interviews, and that was just a reality TV show.

U.S. astronauts could conceivably use the Space Shuttle to wield enormous intergalactic planetary power, and I just feel like maybe you all at NASA ought to be more selective. Aside: If you are still accepting crazies, I might be looking to move back to Florida in a few years so I’ll attach my resume.

I think I speak for everyone when I say that the world is lucky this tussle didn’t go down on the moon or during orbit. That could have made it really expensive to re-enact for the imminent Lifetime movie.

You wanna know the real winner of this tawdry space tryst? China’s space program. We are never going to get to Mars if chick-stronauts are fighting over man-stronauts all the time. It’s just not productive.

Big Apple Astronaut Angie

“Astronauts is pimps, too, go on, brush your moonsuit off.”


Jamie said...

You are awesome.

Anonymous said...

On the serious side...
Innocent until proven guilty in a court of law....

However, the green eyed monster will make really nice people do real crazy things.