I’m writing on behalf of society to inquire about the requirements for getting into the space program. I wasn’t aware certifiably insane people were allowed to participate. I only bring this up because I’ve just learned of a scandalous moonwalker love triangle that nearly lead to one astronaut’s kidnapping and death.
One of NASA’s top lady astronauts drove across the country wearing a trench coat, a wig and diapers (to prevent stops at I-10 rest areas - cringe with me now) with the intent of murdering another female astronaut who happened to be dating her lover, another astronaut.
I know background checks may seem costly, but they can’t cost any more than space rockets. I suggest mental testing on the astronauts to make sure they aren’t homicidal freaks. I’m not trying to tell you how to run the space program, but I would like to point out that I had tons of mental testing during my Apprentice interviews, and that was just a reality TV show.
U.S. astronauts could conceivably use the Space Shuttle to wield enormous intergalactic planetary power, and I just feel like maybe you all at NASA ought to be more selective. Aside: If you are still accepting crazies, I might be looking to move back to Florida in a few years so I’ll attach my resume.
I think I speak for everyone when I say that the world is lucky this tussle didn’t go down on the moon or during orbit. That could have made it really expensive to re-enact for the imminent Lifetime movie.
You wanna know the real winner of this tawdry space tryst? China’s space program. We are never going to get to Mars if chick-stronauts are fighting over man-stronauts all the time. It’s just not productive.
Big Apple Astronaut Angie
“Astronauts is pimps, too, go on, brush your moonsuit off.”