Wednesday, May 30, 2007

To Date or Not to Date, Part 8

I’ve compiled some timely tips for men venturing into the online dating world. While I’ll never go there again, I’m sure there are plenty who might want to give it a whirl. It works for some, I know it to be true, so there’s no harm in learning a few lessons from my social experiment.

1. If a girl’s profile distinctly expresses that she is into grammar and correct spelling, do not misspell anything. Grammar is a different story because colloquialisms can be charming if used appropriately. Do not talk to a girl as if you are a 13-year-old text messager. “How r u?” is grounds for immediate dismissal. If you can’t make the effort to spell out the difficult words “are” and “you” in your first communiqué, how can I trust you to take the trash out once we’re married? Buh-bye.

2. Do not automatically assume that the girl would like you. Approach her with caution. For instance, “I just may be your soul mate, but if you don’t take a leap… how will you know?” is not convincing me to go out with you. If I’m leaping anywhere, it’s going to be away from you.

3. If your opening line involves bragging about your career, chances are it may define you and you are a snooze-fest. For instance, the 40-year-old guy who wrote me twice and said, “I am a tall professional International Airline captain,” or the Long Island guy who also wrote twice and said “I’m a Union Carpenter, let’s get together.” Huh? Maybe there are gals out there looking for a meal ticket, but I’m not and I hate when guys play that “security” card.

4. Don’t send multiple messages to a girl. If she doesn’t respond after one inane message, chances are she will only grow more irritated with the ensuing messages. It’s called stalking, guys.

5. Try not to sound like a desperate loser. It’s astonishingly not enticing. “If it is at all possible. Could we maybe talk a little? Please.” Begging is pathetic and scary!

6. Read the gal’s profile thoroughly. It’s irritating knowing someone didn’t take the time to find out anything about you but sent you a stupid unresearched message anyhow. For example, the fella who said, “I like going shopping, and would definitely want to take you shopping with me!” It distinctly says in my profile that I loathe shopping. Yes, I used the word loathe, so either he can’t read, he doesn't know what "loathe" means or he is not detail-oriented. In any case, I’m not interested.

7. Don’t patronize! Don’t call a girl “dear” or “sweetheart” or “babe” if you’ve known one another for 15 words or less. It’s revolting!

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