As you may recall from my V-Day posts from last year, Valentine's Day is craptastic. (Though I reluctantly confess I do like the assorted chocolates, and I can't even go into Duane Read right now for fear of buying up lots and lots of boxes of them!) To underscore one of my favorite exclamations - DOWN WITH LEURVE! - I would like to present an article from an "expert" of sorts from MSNBC.com. I am irritated and floored by just about all the statements she makes... here's an excerpt:
At their core, they pose one of the most complicated, painful, and pervasive dilemmas many single women are forced to grapple with nowadays: Is it better to be alone, or to settle? My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go.
At first I thought this article had to be a joke. Overlook his halitosis? Right. Perhaps it was a satire of a Carrie Bradshaw column? But as I continued reading, I realized she was not kidding.
In my opinion, one of the biggest blessings of being a young woman in 2008 is that we don't need a man to eek out a life, we want one to share life with. That's a big difference from the old days when a woman more or less had to get married to a man who could pay the bills while she stayed home to cook and clean. I can pay my own bills, I can take out my own trash and I'd much rather do laundry for myself than laundry for some guy I don't even like that much. Times have changed for the better... or so I thought. Is it that outlandish to say that relationships work differently now?
Or is "settling" how it really is? Is that how the waiting ends? Womp womp, man. Y'all know I'm realistic about love and I won't even watch romantic comedies in order to keep crazy puffed up ideas about "true love" out of my mind, but I certainly hope there's more to it than settling with a fat slobbery, bad-breathed couch potato just to "be married."
The author does go on to say the following, which I think is a very realistic notion:
Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane, and often boring nonprofit business.
But then she crashes and burns with:
As the only single woman in my son’s mommy-and-me group, I used to listen each week to a litany of unrelenting complaints about people’s husbands and feel pretty good about my decision to hold out for the right guy, only to realize that these women wouldn’t trade places with me for a second, no matter how dull their marriages might be or how desperately they might long for a different husband. They, like me, would rather feel alone in a marriage than actually be alone, because they, like me, realize that marriage ultimately isn’t about cosmic connection — it’s about how having a teammate, even if he’s not the love of your life, is better than not having one at all.
Am I the only one who would rather just be alone than settle? Would you rather be alone in your marriage to the first mediocre prospect to come along or would you rather hold out (forever if need be!) until the right one really does show up?
Anybody want to discuss this?
Full article - http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23053553/