You get up at 6 a.m. because you can't sleep on Sunday nights
You decide to go to the gym because you're already awake
You try to run on the treadmill but your Achilles tendons burn too much to get any real speed
You forgot your shower shoes; espesh gross considering your current gym is a dump compared to the workout nirvana that is Club H Fitness
Your attempt to take a hot shower is rebuffed by the icy water shooting angrily out of every rickety showerhead
You're wearing the gym's sorry excuse for a towel, more like a washcloth
Back at your locker, you realize you don't have your key
You realize you either lost it in one of the five shower stalls you attempted to extract hot water from, or it's locked in your locker
You retrace your steps looking for the key in the shower area; you look like a creep
You can't find the key, omg where is the key?
You stand - wet, barefooted and washcloth-clad - in the locker room realizing that will have to go into the public lobby to summon help
You leave the locker room, still wet, barefooted and towel-clad, to ask the front desk for a lock cutter
The staff members stare at you like some sort of wet, naked, barefooted creep - which is exactly what you are
They call, without any sense of urgency, for a lock cutter and continue to stare blankly at you
A 4'10" cleaning lady brings the 90-lb. lock cutting tool and thrusts it into your hands, "Good luck!" she says
You go back to your locker, where you attempt to raise the unwieldy lock cutter into the air… of course you chose one of the top lockers
You unsuccessfully try to keep your washcloth tucked protectively about your "business" as you clumsily whack the lock cutter above your head
You resemble a drunk, naked lumberjack
You begin to tear up because you are small and helpess and naked
Barring divine intervention, you accept that you are incapable of cutting metal at 7 a.m. when you are freezing, wet, barefooted and wearing the equivalent of one ply of Bounty
10 minutes later, some lady comes out of the shower and says, "Oh, is this your key? It was in my shower."
You are late to work and this is the story you must share with your boss
Angie Away
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
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2 comments:
I can't decide if I should laugh or cry at this story! So, I'm doing a kind of pitiful sad-face chuckle that says, "You're such a mess, Ange."
Oh man.... that blog you wrote about When to Start Your Day Over had me crying because I was laughing so hard. I was laughing like when you told the story at Carrabba's about the roach in your mom's room. HAHAH! Oh! So funny.
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