Monday, September 22, 2008

Maybe Harry's Right

"In her book Relationships, former college professor Dr. Pamela Reeve discusses three levels of friendships: acquaintances, companions and intimate friends. Dr. Reeve observes that men and women cannot sustain an intimate friendship without one or the other harboring romantic expectations. She recommends that men and women avoid being intimate friends outside of courtship and marriage."

Whether you are vehemently opposed or wholeheartedly in agreement with this statement (and with Harry's assertion below), I'd like to hear from you for some research (err, thinking) I'm doing about pseudo-relationships.

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge? Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.


Jamie said...

First, props for quoting the best movie of all time.

Second, after spending more time in pseudo-relationships than I have in real relationships, I have finally embraced the cold, hard truth...that "psuedo relationships" are more "pseudo" than they are "relationship." As with many other women, it kind of clicked for me when I read (pause...) "He's Just Not That Into You," particularly the chapter on "He's Just Not That Into You if he's Not Dating You." Sounds so obvious, but unfortunately, it's usually not.

If a guy is interested in a girl, and she is interested in him, it will a relatively short amount of time, without a lot of questions or drama. On this note, I remember watching an interview with Nora Ephron on the special features of the "When Harry Met Sally" DVD where she acknowledged that Harry and Sally's story is not usually how real life works out.

The good news is, though - when we walk away wisely from pseudo-relationships, we open ourselves up for the real thing!

OK this is a really long post...I won't be offended if you don't approve it, haha! Just don't delete. :)

Anonymous said...

I feel like I don't agree with Harry and because I can't figure out why, I have erased 2 potential comments. I will keep you updated if I have a revelation.

boXer girl said...

I have to say I agree with Harry! And for any woman thinking she can have a "boy-toy" and nothing more ... well I say stop by Walmart and spend $9.99 on Vanilla Sky! (It's all great in theory!)